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16/5/2018 0 Comments A Variety of ThingsLast Monday was kind of a bad day. I awoke from a dream in which someone dead named me over and over again. At work, after visiting the restroom, I had a bulge that was just a bit too noticeable for my liking. That set off a round of dysphoria. To try and make myself feel better, I made a run to the store for SNACKS! You know, eat my feelings, because THAT is the best way to get rid of the extra weight I am currently carrying! At the store, there were other women shopping and their much better shapes lead to my dysphoria getting worse! I know that I actually have a fine shape, but still that didn't help the feelings. Back at work, it wasn't long until I was finding myself in the throws of an anxiety/panic attack! Great! Just great! I ended up leaving work at noon, went home and after opening windows for the cats, I crawled under a blanket and slept for a good hour. When I woke up, I needed food, so I decided to bike over to Sea Salt which is a lovely little seafood joint right at the top of Minnehaha Falls. I was pretty worn out the rest of the day. This was the first really bike ride I had had since last October. Latter that night, I noticed one of my Twitter friends was in the area and I made plans to have lunch with her the next day. My friend Liz also joined us. That was a wonderful day. Wednesday, I got to see Suzanne Vega with my friend Diana! I hadn't seen Suzanne in concert since 1992. It was a really wonderful show! Here I am with Diana before the show started. And here I am with Suzanne Vega! The rest of the week was very nice. Coffee with the girls, a good Minnesota Transgender Alliance meeting followed be dinner after. I have been making a point to get out and exercise some most days, which is feeling great. Me knee has been hit or miss as to how much discomfort it gives me, but over all it does seem to be getting better. After for last night, I got together with Venus to talk about various things. I will definitely be doing some corsets for her. I am looking forward to getting back into sewing. And she will be doing some work around our house! We have a number of projects and she can use the work! And finally, just a bit ago, I shared this picture of me with Alice. After I shared it I commented with, "I feel so at home in dresses. You'd think I was a girl. Oh. Wait..."
That lead to a discussion in which we talked about being called "sissy" when we were kids. Which I followed up with, "Well, yeah. Just before getting the shit beat out of me." That brought up so many memories of my youth where I was beat up by the neighborhood kids. It was horrible. I think one of the worst parts was never actually knowing WHY I was the one being picked on. I had no understanding of myself in the world and how I didn't fit in. I had no way of knowing I was a girl at that point in my life. Anyway, now that I do know, I am so much happier! And I try to help out others in any way I can! Oh, and I am waiting for a callback from the surgeons office to schedule a consultation for vaginoplasty!
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