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30/9/2017 0 Comments Anniversary Week Part 4Today marks my first anniversary of living full time as the woman I am! It is do hard to believe! The photo at the top of my blog is from that day! It seems like such a wonder dream!
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29/9/2017 0 Comments Anniversary Week Part 3Here we are at the big day of this week! 16 years ago today, my wife and I got married! I have absolutely no regrets about marrying her! She is the perfect fit for me and I adore the life we have together!
AND a year ago today, I started the process of coming out to family! I had taken Thursday and Friday off in part to celebrate our anniversary and in part because my little brother and his wife were flying into town. I picked them up very early in the morning last year and on the way back to the house, Told them that I was transgender! From the start, they were right there with full support. Sure, they had questions, but gave us plenty to talk about that day! The two of them have continued to be there for me. So, I now not only consider today to be our anniversary I also call this my tranniversary! This is such an amazing day for us. 28/9/2017 0 Comments Anniversary Week Part 2A year ago today I spent most of it still in processing mode, but I knew I had to talk with my wife that night. My little brother and his wife were flying in the next morning and I really wanted to tell them that I was transgender, but I needed to talk with my wife first about it.
After work, I told her. We talked about how things had gone in therapy, how I felt about that and what was probably going to have to happen in the future. Much as I thought, she gave me her support. I was so relieved by that! Initially she had apprehensions about going on HRT, but as we talked and I told her that it was something I think needed to happen, she let me know that she wasn't going anywhere. I don't remember exactly when this part of our conversation happened, but I do know it was certainly within days of talking with her. Sometime before we went to bed, she said that she had been wondering when this was going to happen. I didn't think much about it at the time, but the next morning when I asked her how long she had been wondering, she told me a year or two! My first hurdle was cleared today, and I soared over it! Hopefully the next day would be just as smooth!!! 27/9/2017 0 Comments Anniversary Week Part 1I am a day late on this, the anniversary of one of the most important weeks of my life!
A year ago yesterday, I had the therapy session that changed my life forever! It was in that session where I saw in writing for the first time what I have known for most of my life! I was given the magic words, "Gender Dysphoria". Those words set into motion what has become the absolute happiest time of my life! A year ago today, I was processing what those words meant for me. I knew they were true and I needed to start living as my true self. It was a very heavy day of processing. Was I going to loose everything I had in my life? My Friends? My family? My wife? I didn't know, but I had my feelings that it would be fine, but until you face it, you just don't know. I did know that I needed to start coming out right away as well as start living as my self ASAP. And tomorrow, there will be more of this story. 25/9/2017 0 Comments Another Fabulous NightLast Saturday, I had another Skype "date" with my friend Alice. It was such a wonderful evening! We share much joy and sorrow throughout our 4+ hours of talk! I love her so much and look forward to the time we get to spend time together in person! I so want to give her a big hug! And I hope that her and her wife are able to move here in a couple years!
I find it so amazing that the two of us can talk and talk like we do! I have always been a shy person and conversation has never come easy to me. I don't know how much of this is my new hormone structure, or if it is just finding a friend that you really connect with. I am guessing some of each. Friendships are so much better now! I LOVE it! 25/9/2017 0 Comments WOwI cannot believe that we are approaching the first anniversary of my coming out as transgender. I will post more on this is the week progresses.
Today marks the the day BEFORE I got my official diagnosis of gender dysphoria. It boggles my mind that I didn’t see it early, but I’m here and I love my trans life. I feel far more alive than I ever have before. That said, today I am feeling down. I don’t know why. I would love to see my therapist but she is on maternity leave right now. I have another month to do. i have so many new thoughts in my head to process. All are wonderful but still overwhelming. I can’t wait to get a grasp on it all. 19/9/2017 0 Comments More ConfirmationWell, that was unexpected. I was just taking care of business when I started wishing the mrs. was on top of me with a strap on. Soon I was thinking how much I wanted a vagina and before I knew it, I was crying.
I was really taken aback by that! It now feel that bottom surgery is a very likely probability. 15/9/2017 0 Comments EnlightenmentI shared the link to my talk with my brother last week. My brother and his family have been extremely supportive. He let me know how much he enjoyed it and said this:
"I think in some ways your experience is what I imagine an enlightened master might go through, all of a sudden there's this one moment that makes everything clear that was right in front of you the whole time, poof! Duh, so obvious!!! What took so long silly!!" For me, I think this is such a perfect description. It was literally just like that! Maybe it was the 3 years of daily meditation that started the ball rolling. 10/9/2017 0 Comments SexOK, I think it is time to get very, very personal. This is likely to be a very painful post for me.
I have always found sex to be quite a scary thing. So scary in fact that I didn't actually have any intimacy with someone until I was 23 years old. On top of that, I have never been good at it. Sure, I was pretty good at foreplay. That is the bomb, but when it actually comes to getting it on, I suck. I always orgasm way too fast and found the finish mostly unpleasant. I have always loved masturbating however. I would usually do it most days, sometimes more than once a day. It was kind of frightening sometimes how often I would do it. I would even do it at work. It was crazy. A few years prior to transitioning, I started playing around with chastity. I could lock up my penis and not worry about sneaking in a quickie during the day. Of course, not having access to it just made me think about it all the more. My days were filled with me obsessing about getting off. Unless I made some sort of arrangement to keep the keys out of reach, I would break down after a couple days. I dreamed of going a month, but could never get there. I think the longest I was ever able to last was 10 days. Around the same time I discovered that numbing cream did a good job of keeping me from orgasming. Also, not being able to feel me genitals was kind of an awesome feeling. I really liked that quite a bit. Now, after being on estrogen for 10 months and spiro for 9, those bits function completely differently. My penis barely gets hard anymore, which I am loving. I find that I wish it would stay completely flaccid though. The type of stimulation required to get off has changed dramatically as has how I want to be touched. Orgasms are far more intense and body wide. They are truly mind blowing. Recently, I have found that I really, really want to be penetrated. I know that anal isn't where this is focused. I don't think that would satisfy me. This is one of the reasons that I am now considering bottom surgery. I have thought about various other options, and they all lead me to feeling like I would be dissatisfied with the end results. I have lots and lots to work through on this. It is such a big change from where I was even 6 months ago. 5/9/2017 0 Comments FriendsThis past Sunday, my wife and I went to the Minnesota State Fair. We hadn't been in a number of years so we decided to go first thing in the morning. We had a fun, but tiring time.
We got home in the early afternoon. I took a shower then fell asleep for 3 hours! Wow, was I tired! That night I had made plans to talk to a transgender friend that I have gotten to know quite well on Twitter. We were going to use Skype so that we could see each other face to face. It was absolutely a wonderful evening! The talk flowed all night long! I was sad to have to end the call, but it was midnight and I needed to go to bed. We talked for over 4 hours! She is such a wonderful woman. I can not wait until we can spend time together in the real world! |
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